


Safe Sex

by cweepa



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: (but very minimal), Crack, First Time, Homophobic Language, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mickey is an annoying little shit, PWP, and ian is so done with him, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 23:33:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4325070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cweepa/pseuds/cweepa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fuck, he's never going to be able to get it up for a woman ever again. Ian Gallagher has ruined him for life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safe Sex

**Author's Note:**

> heeeeeeyyyyyyy so turns out i'm capable of humor. i should summon a dark angsty plotline to eat this fic, or something.

It's happening too fast, and Mickey feels as though he is losing his virginity all over again _(awkward, fumbling, oh fuck what am I doing)_ even though he is obviously not. He half wants to shove Gallagher away, maybe knock him around a bit and threaten him to keep quiet or else.  
  


But fuck, Gallagher is rubbing against him like a bitch in heat, and it feels so fucking good that Mickey nearly jizzes himself like a fucking teenager.  
  


Except that's what he is, isn't he? He's really hardly an adult, and if he's being completely honest, Mickey has no idea what to do with Gallagher's dick. Does it go inside of him? He has only seen straight porn. It's the only porn he dares to keep in the house, and it's kind of gross but at least he knows what to do with a girl.  
  


"Hey-wai-" he starts, but then Gallagher is pulling down his boxers and rubbing their cocks together, and he is effectively silenced. It's almost fascinating, watching their cocks slide together. And kind of embarrassing, actually. Gallagher is nearly twice as long as he is. Not that he's like, looking at Gallagher's dick. It may as well be a dildo. A very pretty, flesh colored dildo attached to an even prettier -- fuck.  
  


Then Gallagher lets go of Mickey's dick, and starts biting a path down his stomach, towards his crotch.  
  


"You gonna suck my dick?" Mickey tries not to sound too surprised.  
  


"Depends. Do you have a rubber?"  
  


Mickey furrows his brow, and shuffles uncomfortably to his bedside table, fully aware of how hard he still is. "I don't have fucking AIDs or anything. I'm not gay."  
  


"Straight people can get AIDs too," Ian says patiently, and Mickey rolls his eyes.  
  


"What-fucking-ever. I don't have fucking AIDs," he repeats. "If anyone needs to cover his dick, it's you. God knows where that has been."  
  


"Excuse me?" Gallagher looks slightly less amused now. "You calling me a slut?"  
  


"Ay, there's nothing wrong with that," Mickey says, "I meant towelhead. God knows what the fuck he has going on in his ass."  
  


Ian pinches the bridge of his nose, and exhales noisily. "Kash is probably more clean up there than you are, Milkovich."  
  


"Fuck you," Mickey replies, his words lacking heat. "You want to suck my dick or not?"  
  


"I think not," Gallagher says, and Mickey tries not to feel disappointed. He shrugs instead. "Fine, whatever. Here's your fucking rubber, anyway."  
  


He tosses a condom at the redhead, who of course catches it _gracefully_ , the annoying shit. Ian holds it up and inspects it carefully.  
  


"What now?" Mickey grouses, and Ian shakes his head slowly. "I don't think I can fit."  
  


"Because you have such a fucking huge cock," Mickey says in disbelief. "Of-fucking-course."  
  


"Do you have any other sizes?" Ian asks, and Mickey gives him a look. "Just squeeze your dick in. Jesus, Gallagher."  
  


Ian scowls at him as though it's _Mickey's_ fucking fault that the condom isn't the right size ( like seriously, he can't control the size of his own dick), and yanks the condom over his cock roughly.  
  


The condom ends up fitting, albeit being a little tight. At least Gallagher isn't complaining. And it's keeping the blood there or whatever, so it's fine. Mickey doesn't care if Gallagher's dick falls off after this. He doesn't.  
  


"So, how d'ya wanna do this?" Mickey asks.  
  


"Roll over," Ian says, and Mickey folds his arms across his chest, gaping at the redhead.  "Like hell I'm bending over and taking it like a bitch."

"No," Ian replies patiently. "You're bending over and taking it like a man. Do you have any lube?"  
  


"Do I look fucking gay to you?" Mickey nearly yells, for perhaps the thousandth fucking time. "Why the fuck would I have _lube_?"

"Lip's straight, and he has a gallon bottle stashed away," Ian says. "It prevents chafing. You're kind of dense, you know?"

"If you continue fucking talking, I'm going to shoot you in the nuts."  
  


Ian sighs, and climbs off the shorter man. "I need lube, Mickey. I'm pretty sure you've never done this before, and I could seriously hurt you."  
  


"I don't need lube, I ain't a fucking pussy," Mickey insists. "Just shove it in, I can take it."

"Alright. Okay, listen here, you tiny little menace. It is physically _impossible_ for me to jam my dick into your ass without any lube," Ian says. "I literally can't. Have you ever tried forcing both your legs into your shirt sleeve?"

"Why the fuck would I do that?" Mickey snaps irritably.  
  


(He had, actually. Once, when he was much younger. He had a fantasy of being a mermaid for a grand total of 5 minutes, before Tony caught him and called him a fag.)  
  


"Physically impossible," Ian repeats slowly. He looks as though he's considering tucking his dick back into his pants and leaving.   
  


"Just spit in there," Mickey finally says, and Ian looks hesitant.  
  


"I don't want to hurt you," he repeats, and Mickey slaps Gallagher across the head lightly.  
  


"Ten minutes ago, you were ready to bash my brains out for towelhead's gun. Which is fucking pathetic, by the way."  
  


"That's different," Ian argues. "Fine, have it your fucking way. We'll use spit. Open your mouth."  
  


"This ain't porn," Mickey scoffs. "Spit on your own fingers, I ain't fellating them for you."    
  


Ian sighs, stares at the ceiling - _why did I ever think this was a good idea_ \- and shakes his head slowly, but sucks his own fingers anyway. "This might take a while."  
  


"Hurry the fuck up, then."  
  


Ian, the little shit, takes his time stretching Mickey out, slowly working him up to two fingers, then three. He's so fucking tight that it's almost unbelievable.  
  


"You ever used toys on yourself before?"  
  


"I'm not gay," Mickey says immediately, and Ian fights the urge to throttle him.  
  


"Answer my question," Ian says, crooking his fingers viciously, and Mickey whimpers a little.  
  


"Fuckin...no, I've never put anything up there, " Mickey gasps as Ian pulls his  fingers out and rubs the slightly stretched rim teasingly.  
  


"You're so tight," he whispers, and Mickey squirms uncomfortably. "Jesus, Gallagher, just get in me already. I'm fucking ready."  
  


"You'll thank me for this later," Ian says, and smacks him on the ass none too gently.  
  


"Don't fucking do-" Mickey's complaint breaks off in a moan as Ian eases his cock into him.  
  


It's fucking embarrassing. Milkoviches don't _moan._ They...grunt. In a manly way.  
  


Mickey bites his lip to keep from making any more of those pathetic noises, but then Ian is hammering into him at the speed of fucking light and he's never felt this kind of pleasure before. It's burning white and hot, coursing through his veins and building up in an almost painful desperation inside of him.  
  


Fuck, he's never going to be able to get it up for a woman ever again. Ian Gallagher has ruined him for life.  
  


Mickey's hand snakes around to grasp at his own neglected cock, but Gallaher bats it away and pins it down over his own, entwining his knuckles with Mickey's tattooed ones. It was kind of gay, but really, Mickey was in no position to complain anymore.  
  


"Fucking...let go of me, Firecrotch, I want to fucking come."

"You will. Just wait," Ian pants into his ear, and thrusts harder.  
  


Mickey's dick is so hard that it hurts, and he feels like crying. He's never had to come so badly in his life.  
  


And then Gallagher is pulling out all the way and shoving his dick back in roughly, biting at his shoulder, and Mickey is coming untouched, his cock jerking and spraying the sheets. Ian follows soon after, emptying himself into the condom. In a really gay moment, Mickey sort of wishes that he could feel Gallagher's come in his own ass. He was actually jealous of that stupid condom.

But it was probably just his post-orgasm brain talking.

  
"Fuck.." Mickey breathes, and Gallagher chuckles from where he has collapsed on top of Mickey.

"That was pretty good," He says, and rolls off Mickey. "We should do that again sometime."

"Whatever," Mickey tries to sound nonchalant. "Doesn't mean we're dating or anything. I ain't gay."

"You just like taking it up the ass," Ian says blithely.  
  


And it's true, actually. Mickey fucking loves it, and it kind of scares him how much he wants Gallagher's dick in his ass again.

 

Maybe without the condom next time.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone. this has been a gallavich-style PSA: please practice safe sex. 
> 
> (and leave a review/kudos/condom)


End file.
